Blogging 100 Cupboards by Nathan Wilson--Part 3

After a rough night, Henry woke up and went downstairs (this is sounding relatively normal, so far). There, he saw Mrs. Peach. She was grinding wormy apples up, and there was a big, black pot on the fireplace. Maybe Mrs. Peach is a witch...or she could just be making applesauce (I think she's a witch--she's married to the villianous Mr. Thin, after all). Henry ate a bowl of cereal, and drank milk that was so fresh it left a film on his tongue. Ew! I hate tongue films! Apparently though, "[Henry's] tongue didn't mind." When he finished this mundane breakfast, Mrs. Peach sent him to the barn, where Mr. Thin was lying in wait to catch his prey...alright, so she didn't say it that way. She just told Henry that his uncle wanted to talk to him.

I don't know about Henry (cus he's wierd and kind of a wimp), but anytime someone says they want to talk to me, I get scared. People don't say "I want to talk to you" if they're just looking for a friendly chat--if they are, they just start talking (normal people, anyway), or send an email. Think about it--you wouldn't send an email to someone saying "Your uncle wants to email you." Okay, back on track:

Henry went unsuspectingly to the barn (which he couldn't open at first), and into Mr. Thin's man cave. Upon entering the dirty, wide open barn, Henry hears his name called. Mr. Thin was summoning him to the loft (sorry, its just that "summoning" is fun to type). It was at this point that we find out a shocking truth: Henry has never used a ladder.

He is so spoiled and sheltered.

Overcoming his fear of heights, Henry figures out how to climb up a ladder, and gets into the loft. As soon as Henry gets up, Mr. Thin (whose real name is Frank) says "I need to spill the beans to somebody" OMG! Something's about to happen! Henry gives the very logical "What is it?" Then just as I was getting excited, all Mr. Thin does is pull open a drawer with a bunch of junk in it. Mr. Thin's big secret is that he sells stuff on ebay without telling his wife. And for some reason, he was able to sell 2 tumbleweeds to a Japanese businessman for $1,500 (swindler).

O.o. o.O. I want money to blow like that.

After this amazing revelation, Mr. Thin suggests that he and Henry go to town for ice cream. I love ice cream!

Oh, wait. I wonder if Mr. Thin is going to hurt Henry, and this book is really about a young boy's journey through his uncle's tortures from a sad, overprotected wimp, to a brave, real MAN! Or it could be just what the cover says: the result of when some guy stole C.S. Lewis' idea about going to other worlds from household doors. Man, I get distracted so easily!

As it turns out, nothing interesting happened while they were in town. They got ice cream, Henry wasn't tortured, and Mr. Thin didn't do anything evil. *sigh* In fact, he did something nice; he bought Henry a baseball glove and a dull pocketknife that he promised to sharpen. And then they went tumble-weed picking. When they got back, Henry recieved orders from Mr. Thin to not to tell Peaches what they had been doing.

At this point, I was bored. But guess what? Something remotely interesting finally happens! So, after dinner (meatloaf), Henry and his three cousins were sitting around arguing about what to do. "Beatrice" wanted to play Monopoly, while Anastasia wanted to play pirates. Penelope was reading (like a sensible older sister would). Henry was watching the two girls argue. Then, H-Dawg (I'm starting to like him again) says "Why do all three of you share a room? This is a big house." Penny explains that her dad uses one of the bedrooms for his tv (selfish), and her mom uses another for her sewing (necessary). And the other bedroom is Grandpa's room. "He's dead." Beatrice said.

Hold on, a minute! So, that means that the creepy dude with the purple robe wasn't Grandpa? Aww come on! Well then who the blazes is it?! I still think it's probably Grandpa, or his ghost. Ooh, that would be cool--a ghost!

H-dawg started thinking about the creepy dude from last night (that's right, use that brain!)--whom he supposedly forgot when he went to sleep--and wonders what his deal is. Henry then did what any half-sensible 12-year old would do: he went to Grandpa's room and tried to open the door. But it was locked (of course). Mr. Thin lost the key two years ago when Grandpa (supposedly) died. The girls left to go play "Hopscotch Cannibals" (wtheck?), and Henry (who doesn't like make-believe) went to his room in the attic to read.

Okay, the interesting part is coming, just hold on!

Henry sat down, and then chanced to look up (it always happens this way). There were two knobs in the wall. One of them was turning slowly, and making plaster rain down on Henry (how rude!). After a while, the knob stops turning. Then Henry freaks out again. The wall where the knobs are is an outside wall in the attic, which means that the girls can't be messing with him. He started picking with the plaster around the knobs, and saw that the knobs were surrounded by numbers. Ooh, they're combination locks! Unfortunately Henry gets all logical and figures out that there are 418 possible combinations to open the door. Beatrice scared him when she came up behind him and asked "Whatcha doin'?" Henry's all like "Uh, nothing. Nothing at all." Beatrice, being the smart girl that she is, is all like "Sure. Whatever. What are you doing?" Henry explains, and then says that he's tried 76 combinations already, and none of them work so far.

Beatrice: What do you think's inside?
Henry: I don't know. Probably somebody's old socks
My thought: So why are you working so hard to get to them?
Henry: Some fountain pens would be cool
My thought: *slaps forehead* You are so unimaginative. This book would really suck if all there was was socks and pens in the door.
Beatrice: I think it's a treasure map
My thought: At least her imagination is better off than Henry's
Beatrice: Hey, what are those other marks on the knobs?

It is at this point that we find out that there are three more marks on the knobs. So there are two dials, and two sub-dials. Henry isn't good enough at math to figure it out, but that means that there are 6,688 possible combinations. Henry and Beatrice decide to give up for the night, and they both go to bed. But Henry can't sleep again, so he spends the night messing with the knobs again. And of course the chapter ends, so both of you and me will have to wait till next week, or whenever I feel like writing another post.

Closing thoughts:

Maybe, just maybe, something interesting might happen. And if it does, I'll finish blogging the book.

Predictions:

Henry and Beatrice unlock the cabinets, and then Henry chickens out and won't go into any of them.

Stuff that I accidentally left out, and then realized might be important later on:

I got everything this time! Whoo-hoo!

100 Cupboards by Nathan Wilson--Part 2

After Henry "scrubbed the bones," he got into bed. Mr. Wilson went out of his way to overstate the fact that H-Dawg's quarters were bare, dingy, and not altogether pleasant. Henry laid awake for a while, looking at a poster of the Kansas City University Baseball Team.

The book said that none of the men on the team looked athletic. I can testify to this. If you look up pictures of most of the KCU baseball teams, the players are not what we would call "athletic".

When he was finished staring at the poster, Henry turned the lamp (that barely worked) off. Then, he couldn't get to sleep because of the noise that the swamp cooler (a sort of AC unit, I guess) was making.

It should be noted for your benefit that the swamp cooler was packed in place with used overalls. I think this adds nicely to the ramshackle picture of H-Dawg's room that you probably have in your head by now. Continuing with the book...

Since H-Dawg wasn't sleeping, he heard a big bump that he otherwise wouldn't have heard (the moral of the story: get to bed on time). He jumped, but Mr. Wilson said it really wierd-like: "He landed gently on his bed before he even realized that he'd jumped in suprise."

I haven't decided if this is just a different/interesting way of saying something mundane, or just wierd.

Anyway, H-Dawg was freaked out. He tried to ignore that he was freaked out, but he couldn't. He decided that he was going to go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and run water, in order to "wash his mind with normal noise" (please see the sentence prior to this paragraph). I sense something weird is about to happen. When Henry walked to the bathroom, he saw that the light was on. The book actually says "Henry put his hand out for the knob and froze. Someone was probably inside." No duh! For serious? I never would have thought that in a hundred years! (sarcasm hand raised) Anyway, since Henry hates conversations through bathroom doors, and he hates knocking, he decided to go sit on the stairs and wait.

Doesn't he know it's rude to wait outside the bathroom door for the current occupant to evacuate? Oh, that's right, his parents were probably in Africa writing about walking through tall grass.

As Henry was sitting on the stairs, being a wimp about the noise (which is why he is not currently being called "H-Dawg"), the knob turned. An old guy stepped out of the bathroom. He basically had a monk's haircut, with the hair growing out of the sides. He was wearing a dirty white t-shirt (ew) and a purple satin robe (*raises eyebrow*). Before he went downstairs, the old guy looked at Henry with "deep, black eyes". I hope Mr. Wilson knows that there is no such thing as black eyes.

Henry woke up on the stairs, and noticed that the bathroom door was open, with the light on. He used the bathroom, then went back to his bedroom. The book said that he knew he had forgotten something, but he went to sleep as soon as he realized it.

Closing Thoughts:

I vow never to go to the bathroom at night in a virtual stranger's house, especially after thinking about baseball.

Predictions:

We find out that the old guy was "Grandpa" of "Grandpa's room" and that he has mind-control powers that made Henry doze off. We also find out that the presumed "Grandpa" has a collection of satin robes in varying shades of pink, purple, and blue.

Mr. Thin's evil designs are made known.

Stuff that I accidentally left out, and then realized might be important later on:

Not much, actually. Well, Henry had a dream that he was playing baseball and a guy in a purple robe was watching. That may be important later...

100 Cupboards, By Nathan Wilson--Part 1

The first chapter began with a relatively detailed description of Henry, Kansas. I now know that it is very quiet--so quiet, in fact, that the book says "There is never graffiti. Vandals would have to drive more than twenty miles to buy the spray paint".

Sounds like the kind of town my parents would like. And whoever heard of "vandals" buying spray paint?! If they buy spray paint, then the store owners could stop graffiti artists everywhere if they simply refused to sell spray paint to anyone with a history of graffiti-artisting.

Next, we learn that Mrs. Willis (the protaganist's aunt, also reffered to as Dotty or Dots) has no best dress. Yeah, that just jumps out of nowhere. I also know that Mrs. Willis smells like peaches, because she cans. She CANS?! When I read that, I officially knew that Henry, Kansas, is either hick town (apologies if you live there) or very stuck in the past.

Mr. Willis is described as being "thin". Apparently, that's all he is.

Almost immediately after I began to fell sorry for the poor kid who was inevitably coming to live with these people (cus that's what happens in books these days) a bus rolls up to the corner. A kid named Henry (who names their kid Henry anymore?!) gets out. The book says that he wasn't looking forward to living with his aunt and uncle (wha'd I tell ya?), not because he disliked them, but because he had lived a life in which he learned to not look forward to anything.

Oh...kay...

I think Mr. Wilson was trying to use a fancy pun or something when he wrote that, but it took me forever to get it. Maybe that's just me though...

As soon as Henry (the kid, not the town, Mr. Wilson needlessly points out) gets off the bus, his aunt (Mrs. Peach) hugs him really tightly, then says "We're so sorry about your parents."

Oh, poor kid. But this doesn't make much sense to me. Earlier (I neglected to tell you this part) the book said that Henry (the kid, not the town) hadn't seen the Willises since he was four (he's twelve now). Why in the heck would Henry (the...nevermind) get sent to live with people he doesn't know? Whatever. Books always go this way now. The formula for a book:

Unknown relative(s) + orphan/damaged kid(s) + weird kid(s) = Bestselling Book

Upon seeing his nephew, Mr. Willis (Mr. Thin) says "The truck's over there." How welcoming. Oh, wait! Maybe he's the bad guy! Bad guys usually aren't welcoming--especially thin ones. I've got my eye on you, Mr. Thin!

When the trio (that word is really fun to type: trio trio trio...) arrived at the Thin/Peach dwelling, three young girls (I guess they're Henry's cousins) meet them at the door. The youngest says "Hi! I'm Anastasia!" Henry gives a flat "I know." How does he know? He doesn't know these people for crying out loud! Anyway, Annie gets all offended and calls Henry rude. Henry says nothing (he's good at dealing with women, I see). Annie's all like "Well then what are my sisters' names?" Henry says flatly "Penny (the older one) and Henrietta". Oh, and guess what they call Henrietta for short? Henry. Mr. Wilson really likes that name. But, as it turns out, Henry (etta) prefers to be called Beatrice. Huh? O..k.

The three girls (Penny, "Beatrice", and Annie, in case you forgot) lead Henry on a forced tour.

I hate forced tours. Especially in books.

There is an almost-white cat, who doesn't like Henry at all. There's a room that they don't go in, but they called it "Grandpa's room." There is also a fridge that makes wierd noises. I bet that's where Mr. Thin keeps the bodies...

After the tour, the girls finally asks what's up with Henry's (henceforce affectionately reffered to as "H-Dawg", as he is my current favorite character) parents. About this next part: (1) Either H-Dawg is an imaginative liar, or (2) this book could get interesting.

H-Dawg's parents are travel writers, and were writing a book about riding bikes in South America. OMG! When is it coming out? I would totally read that book! (sarcasm hand raised) Anyway, while they were writing this book, they got kidnapped. That's where they are right now (and I bet it was Mr. Thin's fault). You would think that H-Dawg would get to travel a lot, but he said he's only been to Disney World and California (with a nanny, not his parents, who were probably writing about drinking coffee in France). After explaining is sadly lacking travel habits, Mr. Thin yells up the stairs "Scrub the bones!" This is how he says "Brush your teeth!" I told you he was evil.

Closing thoughts:

This is faintly reminiscent of the Chronicles of Narnia.

Predictions:

The creepy cat on the cover will be named Henry, as well as a can of peaches, a dog, and a chair. The fridge too, probably.

Stuff that I accidentally left out, and then realized might be important later on:

Penny's real name is Penelope.

The last time he visited the Willises, H-Dawg made the almost-white cat very mad.

Penny has a crush on some guy named Zeke Johnson.

The conversation between Henry and the girls took place in the attic, not at the front door. They moved upstairs after introductions.

H-Dawg's parents' names are Phil and (gag) Ursula.

Mr. Thin's real name is Frank.

First post!

Okay, for all of you who found out about my second blog from my first (Random Thoughts of a Homeschooled Teenager), mainly the Sparklers, I AM NOT TRYING TO STEAL D-BERG'S GIG, K? A few friends (you know who you are) asked me to read and blog books, D-Berg style. Well, I'm doing my own style, but I'm still going to blog the books. Leave books for me to read in the comments section plz!